


Broken Promise

by FugitiveArchivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Second War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5923507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FugitiveArchivist/pseuds/FugitiveArchivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus wrote a letter he never sent. It's been delivered just the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Great thanks to Lassenia, the archivist over at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), for saving this one and many others by importing the works there to AO3. I had lost many of these files and was very happy when they popped up on my AO3 account.

"Dear Sirius,

I betrayed a promise I made to you when we young and foolish and idealistic. I promised I'd never lie to you, and that's the only promise I ever broke, and in a way it makes me so much more the traitor than they say you are, even though the only suffering I caused was loneliness. They say you told all of us the lie to end all lies. If that's true why didn't you spot my lie? Why didn't you see the only truth that ever mattered? And if you could do that to us, to me, why even ask in the first place? Why bother to know what was in my heart if you intended to step on it so carelessly? But this letter isn't about you, or what they say about you. This letter is my confession.

I lied to you Siri. Just once. And at the time it seemed such a small, insignificant lie. One word. But it meant so damn much hurt to me, and I still think to you as well. Because I don't believe what they say about you. I never will. I believe you asked because the answer mattered. But I was so fucking scared. I thought that admitting I love you, letting you in, letting us act on what I know we both felt, would make us even more vulnerable to the pain and suffering around us. So when you asked if I loved you I said "no" and held myself in check as a tear escaped your eyes. I thought I was guarding my heart, and keeping you safe. I couldn't have been more wrong. I suppose you'll never get to read this Siri but the truth was, yes I love you. You have had all my heart since I was thirteen and figured out what love was. And I'll make you one more promise, one I intend to keep no matter what, I promise you Siri that I'll never so much as touch anyone else. I'll never betray you that way.

Not when I've done so much to hurt you already. I suppose you won't get much of a life from here on in but you do have my heart, whatever that's worth.

All my heart and soul,

Remus."

Sirius doesn't move from the kitchen table all day. He doesn't touch the book the letter fell from. He doesn't even bother to warm the pot of tea, he drinks it cold, as he waits in rapt attention for Remus' return.

Remus doesn't enter through the kitchen door though and Sirius is on his feet and headed to the front door the second it opens as Remus calls, "Sorry that took so long, Olivander was a bit jumpy about a new wand for you without you there-" He stops midsentence at the expression on Sirius' face. "What is it Siri?"

Sirius hands him the letter, "I found this today." His eyes drop to the floor. "I-Is it true?"

Remus sets the packages he's brought down on the table and collapses into the sofa reading the words he'd written twelve years ago. "I only ever broke one promise to you," Is all he can find to say.

"All this time..." Sirius says mostly to him self. "Why didn't you tell me when I got here?"

"I was afraid you'd just be angry with me for thinking it meant anything to you anymore..." Remus admits, his eyes fixed determinedly on the letter.

"You always were a bit daft," Sirius comments before heading back to the kitchen.

"And what exactly does that mean?" Remus says getting up to follow, outrage completely eclipsing his embarrassment.

"Where have I spent every night in this house?" Sirius asks starting a fresh pot of tea.

"Curled up on the foot of my bed as Padfoot," Remus answers not seeing the connection.

Sirius sighs exasperatedly, "And I've been trapped in the house since I arrived. How many times have I complained about that?"

"None," Remus answers, even more confused.

"Damnit Remus I think you should bloody well know how I feel by now so if you want to stop being a complete git and admit to me why your acting so stupid I'll be in the den," He pours a cup of tea and storms out of the room.

After a minute Remus follows him. He doesn't enter the room. He leans against the doorframe, and looks at the floorboards again, "I don't deserve a chance Sirius. I lied to you about the only thing that ever mattered. I gave up any chance I had to be happy that day." 

Sirius sighs, "So I get to pay for your crimes now too? I get to spend my life alone because you've decided you don't deserve it."

"Why the hell would you want me after I did that to you Siri?" Remus asks sounding near tears.

"The same reason I wanted you then Remus. I love you. I always have. If what you said in that is true then you betrayed you as much as me, and on my score card it brings us to a tie. I want a chance to be happy and while this wouldn't be everything I want it's a big chunk of it." When Remus doesn't respond Sirius gets up, crosses the room, and makes him meet his eyes, "You know what I did that night after I'd had a good cry Remus? I started trying to figure out how to show

you that it was okay to love me, that I'd never hurt you. Because I saw it in your eyes that you didn't entirely mean it. I never thought you lied to me, because I never thought you let yourself love me, and I have a feeling no matter what you think I'm right."

Remus remains quiet. Sirius gives him a soft kiss and steps away, "Give us a chance Remus. You deserve it. We deserve it. But know this, if you decide it's best to keep hiding I'll spend the rest of my life alone and in love with you just like you will over me. It's you or nothing, it always was." He sighs again, "But what am I doing trying to convince you anyway? I never could manage it, you probably still see yourself as a dark creature."

"Never," Remus says suddenly. "That's one lesson I promise you I never forgot. I-I'm still afraid of Moony some days but I know that he's not all that I am. I've tried to be happy... Something's just always been missing."

"Something?" Sirius asks softly.

"You," Remus admits. "There's still a chance they could use it against us..." He whispers.

"So what. Let them try," Sirius says softly, knowing he's winning. "For once don't think about it Remus. Do what you feel. Which is stronger, the fear that we'll hurt each other or the desire to give us a chance?"

"I know you'd never hurt me," Remus says softly. "But what if I hurt you again Sirius? You'd be right to leave if I did it but I don't think I bare being alone once I'd seen the alternative."

"The fact that you've treated yourself as rubbish for fourteen years over something that hurt you as much as me makes me doubt you'll ever hurt me again. But to make me leave you'd have to kill me, and if you ever do that I consider you obligated to follow, even if we never work this out," Sirius says calmingly, willing now to answer Remus' fear for hours on end if need be.

"Obligated?" Remus asks amused.

"Well you see, part of my plan to win you over, that I never quite got to implement, was the soul mates argument. And I have a feeling if you'd been privy to my research you'd come to the same conclusions I did. And one of the perks of that is you get to stay together even after you die..." Sirius flushes, feeling suddenly childish.

Smiling all the brighter at Sirius' embarrassment Remus pushes again, "And that obligates me to follow suit if you die why?"

"Because you've bloody well kept me waiting long enough already," Sirius seems a bit defensive now.

"How could I say no to that?" He seems flippant.

"Easy, but if you want to see what you're saying no to, it can be arranged," Sirius offers with a smile.

"And when and where would that be?" Remus asks interestedly.

"Here and now," Sirius whispers pulling Remus into an intense, desperate kiss. When he pulls away he smiles feeling a bit giddy, "Well?"

"I don't think I can say no to that," Remus says breathlessly.

"Then I did it right," Sirius replies still grinning.

"I'd say so, yes," Remus murmurs.

"So do I still need to transform to enjoy the warmth of your bed at night?" Sirius asks watching Remus intently.

"We might be able to reach an agreement..." Remus replies smiling.

"Such as?" Sirius is intrigued.

"Make it worth my while to let you stay," Remus gives no sign of teasing as he waits for an answer.

"You can count on it," Sirius grins, "in fact I'll start now if you like..."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Remus responds as they make their way to the bedroom.

Unnoticed by either of them an owl swoops in and drops a letter on top of the one that led them there.

~The End, for now~


End file.
